Friday, March 30, 2007
Busy busy busy. That's the mantra around here but it hasn't felt too bad. Earlier in the week I had to buckle down and collect the tax info and get it to our CPA. This ranks as one of my least favorite chores of the year. But I did it and they called 24 hours later to tell us it was done, e-filed and the refund will be deposited post-haste. Time well spent as it turns out. I need to do some tidying around here and then finish my homework for Ali Edward's class at CKU. I did great with the picture taking and not so great with the journaling. I hope I can remember it all. And tomorrow marks the first day of the spring soccer season and the annual town Easter Egg Hunt which is an event not to be missed. I'm hoping to sneak a picnic in between those two activities.
And finally, I am happy to say I have found some small success on my second round with weight watchers, having gained back every single pound I lost the first time. It's not been so easy this time around but after 3 weeks, I've lost 9.5 lbs and that's a decent start. Baby discussion to be continued...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I had a great day today! I was in a fabulous mood when I left work and then... Charlie poked in the locker room at karate. For 20 minutes. That put a dent in my mood. And then when we went to leave karate, we were blocked by a delivery truck for another 20 minutes. At this point, my mood definitely pointed south. We got home at 6:00 (!) where I had to start dinner and I promptly spilled the entire container of freshly grated parmesan cheese all over the floor. Then the kids called me to Grace's room where I discovered the cat had thrown up all over her bed. Not just a little. The really really gross soak through the sheets into the mattress kind. And after cleaning that up, I went into my bedroom to change my clothes and discovered the dog had chewed up my favorite shirt.
So by the time the nice gentleman with the Fraternal Order of Police called to ask me if I wanted to donate some money to the cause, I have to say I wasn't overly friendly. Not rude but definitely curt. I guess it wasn't his day either.
On a positive note, my husband is doing the dishes tonight for the first time in my memory and I am polishing off the remainder of the bottle of wine we didn't drink last night. It can only get better, right?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Friday, March 9, 2007
He really tends to get stressed and worry about everything. And when he worries, there is no talking him out of it. When he had pneumonia, he got the idea in his head that he was going to die because he couldn't breathe. He didn't tell his dad and I about it right away but we figured it out when I heard him crying late at night and went in to see what was going on. And ever since the pneumonia, his tic is back. Or rather, tics.
It was hardly noticeable at first but now he's got three or four different facial tics going on and when he's really worrying or really tired, his face is just one big motion after another. I caught him doing some repetitive body movements last week once too but I calmed him down and snuggled him tight and haven't noticed it since.
It's such a frustrating and painful thing for me to watch. (It doesn't bother him at all, he hardly notices he's doing it and he seems to like the release.) Why is he doing this? Why can't they give us answers? Is he really going to outgrow it? Why is it getting worse? Is it going to spread beyond his face? Will he get verbal tics? What can we do to help him?
I don't have the answers. Yesterday was a terrible day for him. He had a mix-up and forgot to ride the bus home and instead went down to the pick up area. He ran past the door monitor onto the playground to play with his best friend and nobody noticed him until 30 minutes later, until his friend's mother found him hiding behind a bush, crying because I wasn't there. Obviously, they took him right down to the principal's office to call me to come and get him. He cried for over an hour because he thought he'd never ever get sent to the principal's office. He wouldn't believe anyone that he wasn't in trouble. He holds so much stuff inside of him, he is so concerned with right and wrong and never getting in trouble - I'm so afraid he's in for a difficult time in the years ahead.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Monday, March 5, 2007
We were driving to drop him at a conference (on our way to our nephew's birthday party) and he brought up that we should probably send the kids to grandma's and have the final conversation about whether or not we were done and who needs to do what to make sure of that. I reacted by saying that no, I do not think we should have conversation because it will never go how either of us want it to and it's just one of those rare things in our marriage we should just avoid and never talk about (kind of joking of course.) I said, if we wait long enough to have the conversation, it will be too late to have to make a decision and that will be that.
He raised a few points about why it's a bad idea, why we shouldn't have anymore, I dropped him off at the conference and thought that was that.
And when we picked him up several hours later (did I mention this was a winemaker's conference with a lot of wine drinking?) he basically said he would is okay with having another baby if I can figure out the finances of the whole thing. My head is dizzy right now because this has been a "decision" I've been struggling to come to terms with for 3 1/2 years. We honestly never talk about it anymore, it is such a painful, touchy subject for both of us... he wants the financial independence that will come with me going back to work fulltime, he loves the flexibility that having older kids gives us, he is completely satisfied with the status quo.
My heart is pulling me in a 1000 different directions right now. And suddenly I realize how much this one issue has been paralyzing me in so many ways. So many related decisions I've just been putting off and putting off and not thinking about. Before we do anything else, I guess I need to go to the doctor and find out if it's even possible and get a more complete picture of the risks involved. It would be ridiculous to get excited or even start planning for it if it's not medically viable. So that will be my first step.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
We're having a lowkey kind of day. Justin went out for early trout season, the kids have brought every block in the house into the middle of the living room and I'm just wandering around aimlessly. We're all off in different directions tomorrow for birthday parties and conferences and such so I need to get organized and do something productive soon. I've loaded the dishwasher twice - I'm pretty sure that doesn't count for much.