As Myron would say, double yoi.

(For you non-Pittsburgh blog readers, Myron Cope is a beloved local character who has a very colorful command of the English language.)

Panic is a strange thing. It seems like it's a mental thing but I've discovered that for me, at least, it's mostly a physical thing. My head can tell me one thing. Logic can rule the day. But it can't quell that swelling tide of panic and anxiety that wells up inside of my chest and won't back down no matter how many times my head tells it to go away. That's where I was last fall. That's where I was again yesterday. And yesterday, to make it even worse, I KNEW why I was freaking out, I knew why my body was rebelling but I still couldn't control it. I confessed it to Justin and I resolved that I wouldn't let it get it out of control again. And then, I did the google (everyone's getting my cute GWB reference, right?), saw the stats and just like that, the panic disappeared and all was well. It's freaking annoying not to be able to control that you know? I'm still feeling a general undercurrent of anxiety - the "all is not quite right in my world" feeling but I think that's closer to normal.

What is NOT closer to normal is my darling daughter. I raised the issue of calling in an exorcist to Justin today. That child is just not right. Never, in all my days, did I imagine that any child of mine would behave the way she did at the dr's today. She was like a caged animal. One that bites. Is this a 4 year old thing? Because I don't understand how one day she could go from being a normal, high-spirited child to this creature that I simply cannot control. She was fine at home before we left. Fine in the car. Abominable at the allergists. Fine in the car. Fine at home. Abominable at karate. So is it just going out in public that is the problem? Is she destined to a life of being confined to the living room? I honestly don't know and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to ignore her behavior (what the pediatrician suggested) when she is screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of a room full of very alarmed looking people.

Ah. I know this too shall pass. I've been a mom long enough to know that they go through some very odd and puzzling and trying phases. But wow, this is not one I was anticipating. Maybe she just wants me to happy that school is about to start again?